In June of 2005, I was in Salt Lake City dog-sitting for my parents. On the trip, I was feeling especially lonely - deeply longing for a spouse and a family. A friend of mine encouraged me to pour my heart out to the Lord. I don't have much experience at that, but I did that night in a letter to God. It's kind of funny, but when you're really honest, it doesn't take many words. My letter was about four sentences.
That night, I had a strange dream. I don't usually remember dreams, but this one I did. It was several years in the future and I was in the anteroom waiting for my wedding ceremony to begin. I was in a tuxedo, and my college roommates Rich and Tony were present. I had no idea what had happened between falling asleep and finding myself in the church - I didn't know her name, what she looked like, anything. I turned to Tony and asked him, "Am I happy?" Tony looked at me and somehow understood- he looked at me and said, "Yes.” I said, "Okay- lets get married. Give me a program so I can know her name." I interpreted that dream to be a message from the Lord. He was preparing her for me and that I shouldn’t worry- that He would reveal her face, name and timing at the appropriate time.
I came back home to California a few days later and shared the story with my Bible study group. After the study, my friend Rad encouraged me to try eHarmony. "No way, I’m not going to do it. You have got to be kidding" was my initial reaction - but the thought wouldn't leave me alone. Late that night I sat down at my computer and I recalled some advice given to another member of the study by our pastor. "How do I know what God's will for my life is?" The pastor responded, "Well, it's like listening to an old crystal radio, or perhaps a new cell phone. Some words come through nice and clearly while others breakup and are lost. Listen as best you can and move forward with your best interpretation, trusting that if it's the wrong direction, he will turn you around." "Okay God", I said, "you close the doors which need to be closed." And I signed up for a month of eHarmony.
After filling out the numerous questions about myself, I was matched up with six or so women. I don't much care for the back and forth multiple-choice questions, so I tried to use the fast track and just wrote a letter to each of the women. Five of them either closed the door or never responded - but Tonya was different. She refused my offer for an open conversation, but invited me to start with the multiple choice questions. No picture was available for her. "Hmmm”, I thought, “Well, let's keep going." We sent multiple-choice questions back and forth. Then it was short answers to pre-written questions. Finally, I was finally able to ask her one of my questions. I asked, "What would you think about spending two weeks in Thailand working with teenage prostitutes on a mission trip?" I asked this question because if I was going to invest myself in a woman with the possible outcome of marriage, I needed her to be serious about her faith and missions. When she responded with "When do we leave?", I was amazed.
Both Tonya and I are very grateful for the Lord introducing us. We would prefer that eHarmony was not part of our story; however, we know that God has a reason for it.
I have been content with my singleness, but in my heart, God has placed a desire to be married and have a family. I have never been sure of how, when or if this was going to happen, but I have been trusting in Him and His will for my life.
In the spring of 2005, I was told by a friend about this online site called eHarmony. I hadn’t heard of it and my initial reaction was, “No way, my God is big enough that He could introduce us about a million other ways other than online.” What is amazing is that I had five people, all from different aspects of my life, all suggest the same thing within a very short period of time. I began to wonder, “God, is this message from you? Could you work through a silly website?”
After praying and really searching- I decided to sign up for 3 months of eHarmony & told God, “Okay you have 3 months.” Like I can tell God how or when to work- but that’s another topic . . .
What is amazing is that I was introduced to Scott within days of my membership expiring and the day that it expired, was the day that Scott gave me his home email address to communicate outside of eHarmony. God’s hand was definitely in this as I would have lost all communication with Scott the next day.
I am still rather embarrassed at meeting Scott online- however, God has taught me some great lessons through this experience. He can work through all things (even online) & I need to trust Him, even when I may not feel comfortable with it.
On our first date, we decided to meet at the South-East corner of the Sonoma Town Square. I arrived early with three pink roses and a copy of Grey is the Color of Hope. I hadn’t seen a photo of Tonya, so sat on the park bench avoiding eye contact with everybody since I was afraid of staring & wondering- is that her?
I did know that she had long blonde hair. In the 3 weeks between our introduction & our first date- we had been communicating through email and several phone conversations. In this time, Tonya had been subpoenaed as the PA in a court case. She told me that she received the full wand treatment at the courthouse because her hair clip triggered the metal detectors. ("Ah ha! She has long hair!"). In another email, she asked me to compare living on the east coast relative to the west coast. I responded with "It's like comparing tuna and pizza." She was very puzzled by my odd response and spent a day trying to figure it out. She finally asked herself, "What do tuna and pizza have in common. Nothing." - "Ah ha! He's trying to say he can't compare them!" I'm very proud of her for figuring it out because it's not a very clear statement. She wrote back and said "Okay I’m slow but I did finally figure it out, and now you know the color of my hair!" So here I am, sitting on a park bench in Sonoma waiting for a girl with long blonde hair & reading the book that I brought to avoid staring.
"You must be Scott", she said as I looked up into the face of an angel. "Wow!" We walked a block to a Thai restaurant and had dinner. I can honestly say that I don’t remember anything about the food from our first date. I can say that when we returned a year later for our anniversary, that the food is quite excellent. After dinner we walked all over Sonoma until it was well past dark just talking and sharing.
As I walked her to her car there was the awkward moment of saying good-bye. Do we hug? kiss? shake hands? wave? Somehow we settled on a hug. It was heavenly. Here's a photo of Tonya from that first date:
For our third date, Tonya made me this great birthday card. My birthday had been about a week before our first date, so it was a bit belated. The funny thing is that we both dislike big deals about our birthday, but Tonya had somehow figured out when my birthday was and surprised me with this card. It was an amazing gift which I really treasure. (I still have it, but some of the candy hasn't survived...
So for Easter in 2006, I (Tonya) decided to go to be the medical provider for about 600 high school and college age students in Ensenada Mexico, though Azusa Pacific University’s Mexico Outreach program. Unfortunately, this left Scott alone to celebrate Easter. So I decided that it would be fun to create an Easter basket full of presents to open for each day that I was gone.
I had fun shopping for the gifts. Mind you, I haven’t ever shopped for a boy before, so it was entertaining. I bought Scott a fun blue shirt which I figured would be about 3 sizes too big because compared to my clothes, it look humongous. Of course, it was exactly the right size! In his basket was also the DVDs of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (the first book that Scott read to me during our first few months of dating) and Secondhand Lions, a pasta maker, some heart shaped candles, and several books- the Case for Christ and The Ransomed Heart.
The best part for me what that Scott very much appreciated the gifts and the thought that went into it. The goofiest gift, I thought, was the pasta maker. It was one that my parents received for their wedding and they were going to donate it to the Salvation Army since they hadn’t used it in decades. For some silly reason, I thought that Scott might like a pasta maker, so I decided to wrap it up and add it to the basket. The funny thing is that the pasta maker was Scott’s favorite present.
So I (Tonya) really dislike a big “to-do” on my birthday and so I kept evading the question of my birthday when Scott would ask. Eventually he got out the detail that my birthday was in September, but I refused to tell him which day. So, since I wouldn’t tell him exactly what day it was, he decided that he would need to celebrate everyday, so as not the miss the actual day. So, the gifts began- a vase, a bouquet of flowers to put in the vase, pearl earrings, a throw blanket built for two, a beautiful necklace and earring set, a CD, etc. After about 6 gifts, I gave in and told him that my birthday was Mexican Independence Day. The even sillier thing is that he had known the date all along. He had gotten the date off of a family calendar that I had made several years before. So, since he had already planned out the entire month, the gifts didn’t stop for some time. It was a very sweet and heartfelt gesture, even though I had a hard time accepting all of the fun and wonderful gifts.
On the morning of June 2, 2005, I (Scott) arrived at Tonya's apartment in Vacaville and presented her with a Bible. I had marked out passages to accompany the way points throughout the day. The first passage was from the Song of Songs 2:1—“Beloved: ‘I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.’ Lover: ‘Like a lily among thorns if my darling among the maidens.’” This passage combines two very important things- roses and lilies. This is important because Tonya’s favorite flower is the lily and I had decided in high school that I would never give a girl a red rose until the day I was going to propose to her (an old German tradition). After reading the passage, I then handed her a single red rose.
I then asked Tonya to remove all of her jewelry, and we left her apartment. We drove to a local market to pick up sandwiches and then headed down to the Exploratorium in San Francisco. We found a secluded spot by the reflecting pond to have lunch. As we sat down, I pulled out the Bible and had her read the second group of verses: Psalm 126:5-6—“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him,” and Psalm 40:1—“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.” Tonya cries a lot - but not for silly stuff; but she has deep feelings for those who suffer. She hates crying, but I love it because it shows me how special and tender her heart is. With these verses I gave her a pair of earrings wrapped in silly socks. (Being a PA, she's only allowed to wear solid color scrubs at work - so her expression comes through socks. I also like the fact that it's very easy to wrap jewelry in socks!)
Following lunch I had her bring out the Bible again. This time she read Deuteronomy 31:8 – “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" and Romans 8:38-39—“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Accompanying these verses was a bracelet to remind her of the Lord's steadfastness and strength.
We next went into the Exploratorium - it was fantastic. I had made arrangements for admission into the tactile dome. A maze is a convoluted path with wrong turns; a labyrinth is a single convoluted path. The tactile dome is a blind three-dimensional labyrinth, with slides, ladders, and objects stuck to the walls to feel. Some spaces are so small that you must crawl through and others where you can stand up and walk. It's really fun. We spent quite some time in there and then just wandered around the Exploratorium. Here's a silly activity which was quite meaningful to me. There was a computer screen where you must watch and track the electronic balls as they move around and bounce off of the sides of the screen. There were several green balls on the screen, and one blue one. As the balls start bouncing around, the blue one fades to green. The challenge is to pick out the ball that started out as blue after about a minute of the balls bouncing around. Level 2 requires that you watch and track two blue balls, level 3 has three balls to track and so forth. The activity stated that on overage, people can normally track one or two balls, rarely three. Tonya and I both lost it at 6. I love this girl!
As the Exploratorium closed we headed into the city for dinner. I took her to "The Stinking Rose", an Italian restaurant which specializes in garlic. The restaurant was our next way point, so I again pulled out the Bible and we read from James 1:17— “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows". With that verse I presented her with a silver necklace wrapped in funky socks! At this point, Tonya started making comments about feeling like a Christmas tree- apparently she was feeling a bit overwhelmed with her “decorations”.
After a fantastic dinner and some rather garlicky breath, I drove her across the Golden Gate Bridge to the Marin Headlands. We went down to the Point Bonita Lighthouse. In the parking lot, I again pulled out the Bible, and had her read from Ecclesiastes 4:9—"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." With this verse I presented her with a second pair of earrings – a pair of small silver crosses. At this point, I had replaced almost every piece of jewelry she had on this morning.
The lighthouse trail was closed for the day, so we walked to an overlook of the ocean and lighthouse. The next part was the tricky part - I really wanted to propose with the backdrop of an ocean sunset. However, it was apparent that I was not a native to northern California, as I had failed to plan for fog. It was not cold or windy, which was a blessing, but we couldn't see anything but a solid wall of whiteness. Well, I thought to myself, this is what the Lord gave me. So I sat down with her on a little rise overlooking what should be the water. There, for the first time that day, I read to her. First was Psalm 37:3 –- “Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of you heart." Then I read Ephesians 5 where the Bible instructs husbands to love their wives. Lastly, I read First Corinthians 13 where the Bible defines love. Then, I presented her with a ring and asked her if she would be my wife. "I would be honored" was her response. We then turned to look at the ocean, and miraculously, the fog had cleared and the beautiful sunset was before us. This moment lasted about ten minutes before another fog bank rolled in and we were again enveloped in whiteness. It was a really an amazing blessing from the Lord!
As noted on her 32nd birthday, Tonya doesn't really care to have her birthday celebrated. She also doesn't like cake (except for angel food and cheesecake). I (Scott) personally love celebrating her birthday, so in our second year of relationship it was time for more fun. Tonya's has a music background in flute and piano; however, she hasn't played piano in several years because she hasn't had a good instrument to play. My heart's desire is to play my horn with Tonya, so I found her a really good electric keyboard for her birthday. Since I was under strict orders not to buy her birthday presents - I thought it would be fun to instead have an early Christmas. The week before her birthday, I stole the spare key to her apartment and had a copy made. On the day before her birthday, my friend Jason and I drove out to her place while she was working. She used to have a roommate who lived in the back bedroom; however, that room had been empty and unused for some time. So Jason and I set up a Christmas tree and decorated it in the back room. We put the lights on a timer set for the next morning at 8:30 AM. Under the tree I wrapped ten angel food cakes. (I wanted to bake her a dozen, but two failed.) On the side, we set up the keyboard. I plugged a computer into the keyboard and programmed it to start playing Christmas carols at 8:30 in the morning as well. The trap was set. The next morning, Tonya was lying in bed, when the Christmas music started playing. She walked into her living room, but the music wasn't coming from there. Then she followed the music to the back bedroom, and found her birthday surprise!
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March 31, 2007